by Dave Schaefer

There are 3 simple rules to concert t-shirt wearing. Rules are not to be broken unless you're under the age of 10.

Rule #1: Do not wear the t-shirt of the band that whose show you’re attending.

Yes, it shows support for the band. Yes, it creates a faux solidarity amongst fans. Yes, you look like a consummate dork.

Rule #1.5: You may wear the t-shirt of the band’s (or bandmember’s) side project.

If you go to a Social Distortion show, you can wear a Black Kat Kustoms shirt. Or if you attend a Rancid concert, you’re allowed to wear a Transplants t-shirt.

Rule #2: If you purchase a shirt at the show, do not under any circumstances put the shirt on at that same show.

If this rule is broken, words cannot describe the level of concert-going shame that will surround you.

Rule #3: If you purchase a shirt at a show, you must wait one full day before wearing it.Wearing a concert t-shirt the next day to school or work may sound like it makes you look cool. Don’t believe that sound.

Rule #3.25: Rule #3 also applies to previously purchased (old) t-shirts of the band whose show you attended. However, Rule #3 does not apply if said shirt clearly indicates it was a previous show/tour.

Rule #3.5: If you purchase a shirt of an opening band, you may wear it the next day.

Social theory clearly shows that the level of coolness of knowing and liking opening bands cancels out any possibility of potential negative social upheaval for wearing said t-shirt.

These long-established rules of etiquette are put forth to repel the advances of the current spate of unrebellious youth infiltrating our live music venues. These young suburbanites often reveal their true nature by the fresh Manic Panic dripping down the back of their necks, texting in the mosh pit, dancing with a Red Bull -- and wearing their concert t-shirts completely wrong.